Traditionally, brides asked their best gal pals to be bridesmaids and grooms asked their male buddies to be groomsmen. It was simple -- a matching number of tuxedo-clad groomsmen and bridesmaids in the same gowns. They stood to the sides of the bride and groom like ducks in a row. They walked into the ceremony with “their side” and out in mixed-sex couples, no problem.
Photo: Chung Li Photography
Don't be afraid to break traditional setup when it comes to your bridal party.
Today, brides and grooms are getting creative with attendants: A bride chooses her best friend, a guy, to be her honor attendant. A groom, who is close to his sister, names her to the “best man” post. A bride will have eight women stand up for her during the ceremony. Her groom will have only five on his side, including a female cousin. They are choosing whom and how many they want without concern for gender or equal numbers. Why add on groomsmen a groom doesn’t feel close to just because his bride has chosen 12 sorority sisters?
It’s only after the creative choosing has been done that perplexing issues arise. Where should the attendants of the opposite sex stand? What should they wear? And how should unmatched sides walk in and out of the ceremony? Follow our guide to handling creative attendant arrangements and you’ll all walk down the aisle smiling.
Be Flexible
Flexibility is key to figuring out creative attendant situations. There are no formal rules here, you can make your own. The only real rule is that you have two witnesses stand up for you during the ceremony, the rest is up to you.
Swap Sides
If you have a wildly unequal number of attendants, and you're including opposite sex attendants in your wedding, consider attendant swapping to balance things. For example, if the bride has a male friend she wants to stand up for her, but she already has too many female attendants, the bride's male friend can stand on the groom's side. Often, the groom doesn't have as many attendants he would like participating in the wedding, and having a bride's friend on the groom's side evens out the numbers.
Crack the Dress Code
Some couples have female attendants on the groom’s side wear the same exact dress as the bridesmaids, color and all. Male attendants standing up for the bride can be clad in the same attire as the groomsmen.
Walk On Down
Many religions dictate proper order for the wedding processional. Check with your church or temple’s wedding coordinator to see if you can break with tradition. In most cases, you can. In Christian, Jewish and civil ceremonies, bridesmaids and groomsmen typically enter individually or in in same sex pairs. An example of how to tweak tradition: If a guy is standing up for the bride, the bride might choose to have him and the rest of her bridesmaids each walk down the aisle by themselves to eliminate all female pairs and one male-female pairing. Or, the bridesmaids can walk in pairs and the guy can walk alone.
Create A Circle Of Friends
Having attendants stand in same sex lines of bridesmaids and groomsmen doesnt always seem right. Both the bride and groom can have a close group of friends of both sexes, and many may be shared friends. Consider having all of the attendants stand in a semi-circle, alternating male and female, around them at the altar. You'll literally be surrounded by your circle of friends while you're pronounced husband and wife. Have each attendant walk in and out of the ceremony individually -- each friend is an important presence worthy of a singular walk down the aisle.
The Big Exit
The recessional often presents the stickiest problems when sides have unequal numbers and mixed sexes. Typically, a bridesmaid and a groomsman leave their respective sides, meet up in the middle and march happily out of the ceremony after the bride and groom and parents. If there are unequal numbers, why not arrange some threesomes? Try two bridesmaids and a groomsman, or two groomsmen and a bridesmaid. Make sure the aisle is wide enough to accommodate the group. Groupings help eliminate the problem of everyone walking out in couples with, for example, two guys leftover (if the groom had two more attendants than the bride). Or, the two remaining groomsmen could walk out together. A simple solution is to have everyone walk out on his or her own, single file, one side followed by the other. This is also a great remedy when you have mixed sexes on each side and don’t want a male/female pair followed by a male/male pair or a female/female pair. Consistency looks nice during a ceremony, although it isn’t critical.
Rehearse It
Make use of your rehearsal if you’re trying to figure out how to deal with creative attendant formations. Choreograph the rehearsal beforehand and pass out a schedule for participants. Ask the wedding coordinator at your ceremony site to help during the rehearsal. Play with pairs and threesomes. Or just keep it simple -- having attendants walk in and out of the ceremony individually is a great solution that also adds drama to your special day.
See More: Bridal Party , Groomsman