They loved you unconditionally, they let you stay up late and eat fudge when mom and dad weren’t looking. They spoiled you with an adoration unique to grandparents and older relatives. In essence, they helped you become you. So how do you honor your beloved elders on your wedding day? There are many ways you can recognize their unique contribution to your life, both in the ceremony and reception. We even have a few suggestions as to how you might honor the memories of those no longer with you.
Include Them
You’ve ordered a corsage for your grandmother -- what else can you do? If you are creative, you can come up with a multitude of ideas to make your elders feel part of your wedding day. Some brides wear a grandmother’s wedding dress, having it custom fitted and possibly altered to better suit today’s style. If that is not an option, you might consider carrying the same type of flowers she carried in her wedding. You might also borrow a brooch, pearl necklace or pair of silk gloves from an elder female relative as the “something borrowed” part of your wedding ensemble. Wedding rings are often passed down as heirlooms, and if your ring has a family history, you might want to mention it during the ring ceremony.
If you are close to your grandfather, and your father is not with you, ask him to walk you down the aisle. If your grandmother or aunt loves to bake, ask her to make the groom’s cake, if you are planning to have one. Another way to honor elders is to borrow the cake topper they used at their wedding. Not only will it add a special vintage touch to yours, it will remind them of their own special day so many years ago.
Spend Time With Them
Consider hosting a small “family dinner” a few days before the wedding. Spend quality time talking to your elders and other family members, bringing out old photo albums and slides, cherishing time together during a simple takeout or potluck dinner.
Thank Them
When thanking your friends and family for joining you on your wedding day, consider pointing out your elders, in addition to your mother and father. If your elders are not shy, you might even introduce them, having them stand or wave. They will be pleased that you included them in your ceremony. At the reception, you may want to make special toasts to your older relatives, acknowledging how much they have contributed to your life. You might even present each elder with a simple thank you gift. Consider videotaping the event if you have older family members who are physically unable to attend the wedding, and watch it with them at a later date.
Get Them Dancing
During the reception, have the band play your grandmother and grandfather’s wedding song, and get them to dance as they did years ago. You may be the star of your wedding, but it will feel even more wonderful to let them shine too.
Make Them Comfortable
Comfort is key for your elders to enjoy your celebration, so be sure to provide seating at both the ceremony and reception for them. If you are having a stand up cocktail party with passed hors d’oeuvres, have one special table with reserved place cards for your older guests, in addition to a few tables and chairs scattered about. For a sit down affair, make sure your great uncle and aunt are not placed next to the speakers, especially if you are having a rock-and-roll band. If any of your older guests uses a wheelchair, make sure there is easy access to the ceremony, and that the aisle is wide enough for them to pass without awkwardness. If wheelchair access is an issue for a member of your family, keep that factor in mind as you select the ceremony and reception location, and as you make seating assignments. At the reception, be sure to provide appropriate food choices -- some elderly people can’t eat spicy foods, while those who suffer from arthritis have difficulty cutting certain foods, such as steak.
Honor Their Memory
A wedding can be a bittersweet time if you have lost a beloved family member; however, you can still honor their memory at this special time. In most parts of Africa, ancestors are included and honored by a libation ceremony, i.e., the pouring of water or liquor into the earth while reciting a prayer. You might honor a cherished elder by placing a candle or rose on the altar in his or her name. You could also play their favorite song at some point during the processional, ceremony, or reception in honor of their memory. If your reception is at a home, you could set out a collection of old photos of your family members in the reception area.
They have cherished you since you were a newborn and they are still there, providing you with that same unconditional love, as well as the wisdom of their years. What a perfect time to honor them as you make your rite of passage into matrimony.
See More: Ceremony Ideas , Guests , Etiquette