Dr. Dale Atkins understands your wedding woes and has the perfect sanity-saving solutions for emotional issues, family questions, and fears about the engagement, wedding planning, and future.
Q: My bridal shower is in two weeks, and one of my bridesmaids just informed me that she won’t be attending because she and her husband are going to Europe. My shower was planned several months ago -- long before her trip. This woman has not really participated at all, either with me or the other bridesmaids, but I’m sure she was aware of the shower date. For some time I excused the behavior of this woman, since her mother passed away and she was absent during some of the planning for the wedding. I even talked to her to make sure if was serious about her decision to be in my wedding, and she was very enthusiastic. And now this! She says there is no way to change the plans, and while she’s sorry, she is still going to be absent. Can you advise me on how I should deal with her?
A: A large part of planning a wedding -- and getting married, for that matter -- is dealing with the disappointment you feel when your life and your plans intersect with those plans made by others. You do have a choice in this matter: You can have the relationship that you clearly have had with your friend for some time take precedence over her lack of involvement in the planning of your wedding and her non-attendance at the shower, and then welcome her to your wedding, or you can focus on the fact that she did not help and is not attending, and allow that reality to dominate your life. You have shared your feelings with your friend, she has apologized, and now it is up to you accept her and her situation and forgive her. If you choose to take the high road, then enjoy the shower with those who are present and accept her at the wedding, or you can ask her to step down from her obligation.
Dr. Dale Atkins is a professional psychologist and frequent media expert specializing in couple and family relationships. Dr. Dale is also an author with five books to her credit:
Sisters;
Families and Their Hearing Impaired Children;
From the Heart (co-author);
I'm OK, You're My Parents; and the most recently published,
Wedding Sanity Savers (co-author). Currently living in Connecticut with her husband and dog, Dr. Dale has two grown sons and a private practice in New York City.
See More: Bridal Party , Bridesmaids