First, remember that an usher's role is to be helpful, to make sure guests are having a good time, do whatever the bride or groom (or best man or maid of honor) asks, and do it with a smile. If you've never been a big dancer, make an effort on this special day and be sure to dance with the bride and the bridesmaids.
Before the wedding, you'll be expected to take part in the rehearsal (your duties will be outlined at the rehearsal, so pay attention) and you'll be invited to the rehearsal dinner. If you're single and not dating anyone exclusively, you shouldn't bring a date to the rehearsal dinner or the wedding unless specifically invited to by the bride or groom. If you're in a significant relationship or married, the bride and groom undoubtedly will know and will include that person on your invitation. If you're in a significant relationship and no invitation is extended, you can discreetly ask the groom if this is an oversight, but under no circumstances should you bring a person without an invitation. You should also plan to participate in the bachelor party if there is one.
Financially, you're expected to contribute your share to the ushers' gift. The best man usually lets the ushers know what the gift is and what each usher's share is. The best man will also let you know what specific clothing requirements are. You're expected to pay for the rental of any clothes and for your transportation to and from the event. You should also give a wedding gift to the couple in addition to the ushers' gift.
Plan to arrive one hour before the start of the wedding ceremony. Be sure to review special seating assignments with the best man, and then be prepared to escort people to their seats. Stand to the woman's left and offer your right arm for her to hold as you walk down the aisle. The male guest will follow behind, or simply ask the couple to follow you. Hand a program to each guest. You may be asked to help put a pew ribbon in place or help unroll a special aisle carpet after the guests are seated. Expect to march down the aisle and participate in the ceremony as directed at the rehearsal.
After the ceremony, be prepared to direct guests to the reception, perhaps even give out maps if they've been printed. Help close windows and check pews for programs and anything else that might have been left behind. At the reception (besides dancing), participate in the garter ceremony and encourage other single guests to participate as well.
Finally, you should be the best guest possible: Talk with other guests, introduce people, and dance with people. You're an ambassador for the couple, so you'll want to help do your part to make their day as special and fantastic as possible. The best part is, if you do all of these things, you'll have a great time too.
Want more etiquette advice for guys? Check out Peter Post's new book, Essential Manners for Men
Peter Post is a director of the Emily Post Institute and author of The New York Times bestseller Essential Manners for Men: What to Do, When to Do It and WHY and Essential Manners for Couples. One of Emily Post's four great-grandchildren, Peter holds a master's degree in fine art from Pratt Institute and a Bachelor of Arts degree from the University of Pennsylvania.