Despite what you may be envisioning, being the mother of a bride or groom is not just about opening your pocketbook and donning a beige suit. From helping put together a guest list to standing in the receiving line, there's lots for you to get involved with. While the bride's parents are traditionally more concerned with both the planning and financing, the groom's parents are increasingly involved as well. "A wedding really is a joint affair," says Sydell Rabin, author of The Complete Mother of the Groom. "We're talking about two entire families joining here."
General Guidelines
Try to be open to as much or as little help as your child wants from you throughout the planning process. While
you may envision spending late nights poring over vendor brochures and hashing out every last detail together, this may not be quite what they have in mind. Your job is simply to be available when you're needed…and to step back when you’re not.
No matter how much you're involved, keep reminding yourself that it's their day. This doesn't give the bride free reign to act like a bridezilla, but it does mean you should do your best to respect what she wants and quiet your own interests and agenda as much as possible. Give feedback and input when it's asked for, but be careful not to let your own preferences overtake hers. If there are a few specific things that are very important to you -- say, a family tradition you want included or friends you'd like invited -- save your energy for those battles and try to let the less important stuff slide.
The other place you're most likely to run into conflict is with finances. Whether you plan to pay for the whole wedding, part of it, or nothing at all, make it totally clear
before any planning starts. If you have any expectations that come with your contribution, like specific wedding details or guest list members, be up front about them. This will allow the couple to make an informed decision about whether they're comfortable with the arrangement, and also help avoid confusion or resentment down the road. Even if you’re financing the entire wedding, though, still let the bride and groom have as much voice as possible. Remember -- no matter who's footing the bill, it's
their day.