Biggish wedding, smallish budget. Break out the violins, because we’ve all heard this song before. You’ve considered feeding every other guest, wearing half a tiara, and watering down the drinks.
And you’ve got this friend –– this really talented, wonderful, generous friend who says, "Don’t worry, I’ll make your cake/shoot your video/calligraph your invitations/arrange your flowers/take your pictures/play the piano."
With a sigh of relief, and a smile of gratitude, you move on to the next task. You’ve solved your problem, right?
Well...
Not to imply that your friend won’t bake a beautiful cake or shoot an amazing video. She may do just that. Professionals are always in high demand; the benefit of experience tells them exactly what it takes to get the job done. Working with talented friends who know you, can add that extra splash of insight to your wedding that makes the difference between good and great. However, before you embark on a vendor/guest adventure, make sure you’ve thoroughly thought it through.
Is It A Good Idea?
Couples looking to cut corners should be especially realistic about the skills of friends. Decide which services are the most critical, and give those jobs to professionals. If you’ve always wanted an Academy Award winning wedding video, that pal of yours who bought the camcorder last weekend is probably not your best bet.
Before you ask for or accept an offer of help from a friend, be sure to consider:
- Cost: Having a friend make, for example, your wedding cake will undoubtedly save you money. Like any other industry, professional cake designers usually factor reputation, hours on the project, and experience into the cost. If your friend does the job, the ingredients and tools will be the primary costs. According to Janice Galang, a pastry chef who prepared the wedding cake for a friend, the bride’s cost ended up being roughly 15% of similar retail confections. On the other hand, unless your friend is a baker of professional caliber, you won’t have the range of choice you would if you went through a bakery.
- Time: Having a friend perform a huge wedding favor might save you time, but is she aware of the commitment required? Unless she’s making ice for the bar, there will be no second chances. Best-case scenario, your friend winds up with extra time on her hands and discovers there is no greater joy then creating garden-themed place card holders. Worst-case scenario, she stays up three nights in a row and develops an unusual aversion to anything with a garden theme.
- Skill: You have a pal who is a craft superstar –– she’s perfect for this kind of thing! You also have a buddy with good intentions, but questionable talent. It doesn’t make sense to trust precious envelopes to a well-meaning but inexperienced calligrapher. "There are a lot of things to consider," says Los Angeles-based free-lance calligrapher Teresa Villanueva. "You should definitely ask for samples." Villanueva goes on to say that most calligraphers need a few years of experience under their belt before they’re ready for wedding invitations. (Find out more about calligraphy, right here.) Remember to be smart about the way you delegate. Better to graciously turn down an offer than risk hurting your friend’s feelings later on.
- Reliability: She is incredibly talented, sweet as pie, but she’s rarely on time, and often forgets to call you back! If this profile sounds familiar, beware: you’ve got better things to do than fret over, hound, and end up angry with a friend. Some things just aren’t worth risking, and that goes for wedding services and friendships alike.
- Attitude: Is your buddy easy to work with, or does she tend to dominate projects she gets involved in? Does she listen to what you want? Will working with your friend prove soothing to party planning nerves? Hopefully, you already have a good idea of how well your relationship works under pressure, so listen to your instincts.
For the Asking:
Before you ask your colleague to help design centerpieces, make sure there’s room for her on your guest list. It is terribly insensitive to accept her help and not extend an invitation.
I do! I don’t!
While you’re celebrating the occasion to work with your true-blue buddy, is she starting to turn a little green? Give her a chance to say no. Be sure to allow her time to assess the situation and remember, the biggest favor she may do for you is decline your request. If a friend who initially offered to help has to back out, include her in the search for a replacement. This could assuage any guilt she may be feeling and it will be a big help to you.
Be Realistic and Clear:
Take the opportunity to sit down with your friend and come up with some specific guidelines. Maybe you’re relying more on her ideas than your own –– whatever the case, it’s still a good idea to set parameters early on.
- Have Examples: Assemble pictures, CD’s, tapes, or go window-shopping together. Make sure you are both on the same page!
- Take a Hint: If your pal will be snapping photos, make sure you check out the Photo and Video Checklist and follow suit. Beverly Clark’s Wedding Elements includes information about flowers, music ideas, planning details, and is a great place to find out how the pros pull it off.
- Know the Timeline: Give her the password to your planning calendar at WeddingChannel.com so she can view her deadlines well in advance.
- Keep Talking: If it’s a long-term project, set up check-in dates every two weeks or so to keep abreast of projects. To better manage these appointments, set up and send email reminders through your WeddingChannel.com calendar.
Contracts and Payment:
Although entering a signed agreement with a friend may not be exactly appealing, it is worth your consideration. Committing expectations to paper can be beneficial to
all parties involved, and a good contract can help keep a light shining on uncharted waters. If you are hiring or reimbursing your friend, your contract might include:
- The project specifications
- Designated check-in times
- A request for all receipts
- Delivery date
- Payment amount and schedule
Some of the most innovative wedding favors, delicious cakes, and priceless portraits are the work of cherished friends. With a few exploratory steps out of the way, your wedding may be the perfect showcase for the talents of a kindred spirit.