If we look to our ancestors in Africa for pre-wedding customs, we find an emphasis on the spiritual preparations for marriage. The elders of the community advise the betrothed couple -- separately, in single-sex sessions -- on the meaning and responsibilities of the union they are about to enter into. For Wolof women, the practice is called “Loading the Bride.” Many cultures also perform purification rituals to cleanse the body and soul of any impurities that either partner might bring to the relationship. For Zulu women, it’s customary for the bride and her female companions to bathe together on her wedding morning. Among the G’wi of Botswana, the bride-to-be fasts in silence for four days outside the village and then has her head shaved and is bathed by the female elders. In Egypt, the young woman collects water from the sacred Nile and washes herself with it before her nuptials.
Why not do as many of our ancestors did and use your pre-wedding party as an opportunity to receive support and guidance from your elders? Invite them to share their experience of getting married, the nuances of family relationships, and their secrets for helping love endure. You’ll be surprised at how much you may learn, not to mention how grateful your elders will be for this gesture of care and respect.
Here are some ideas for incorporating African customs of counseling and purification in your own shower.
Loading-the-Bride Shower. The female friends and relatives of one bride we know came up with this “rites of passage” celebration when she didn’t want the usual lingerie and cookware. They sat her on a chair, covered her breasts with kente cloth and left her shoulders exposed. The room was candlelit. Next to her was a bowl of warm water and a loofah. One by one, her friends gently wiped her shoulders with the loofah and said such things as, “This is to wash away all past hurts,” “This is to wash away all past relationships,” “This is to wash away all past rejections.” Afterwards, the Sisters formed a circle around her and posed serious questions about why she’d chosen her mate, how she’d make their marriage last.
Jumping-the-Broom Shower. Guests bring ribbons inscribed with advice and observations about marriage, which are placed in a basket for the bride to draw out, one by one and read aloud. At the end, all the ribbons are tied to a decorative broom that can be used if she plans to jump the broom in her wedding ceremony.
Kwanza Shower. Guests bring gifts related to the seven principles of Kwanza. For Self-determination, for instance, they might offer items made by African-Americans; for Creativity, a membership in a Black cultural institution; for Collective Work and Responsibility, the promise to baby-sit for the couple or to volunteer in the larger community by visiting patients in nursing homes and hospitals.
Night of the Henna Shower. This is an ancient African ceremony still practiced by Orthodox Muslims. The women gather a night or two before the wedding to tell stories, give presents, sing and dance. They paint the bride-to-be’s hands with henna, a symbol of purity, and dress her hair.
Queh-Queh Shower. A Guyanese custom that has its origins in Africa, the queh-queh is usually held a week or two before the wedding. It is a co-ed celebration of the coming ceremony that includes African dancing, drumming, and music, along with traditional songs, often sexual in nature and performed by family elders.
Reprinted from “Going to the Chapel” by the Editors of Signature Bride Magazine. Copyright 1998 by The Philip Lief Group, Inc. and KLCS Communications, Inc. (Signature Bride Magazine). Permission granted by G.P. Putnam’s Sons, a division of Penguin Putnam Inc. All rights reserved.
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