 Dr. Dale Atkins understands your wedding woes and has the perfect sanity-saving solutions for emotional issues, family questions, and fears about the engagement, wedding planning, and future.
 | When I recently told my mother-in-law to-be that her son and I were going to get married, she blurted out "Thank God it's not in February or March, because I couldn't take it." I have since asked her for help, with no support in return. I decided to take charge and make decisions on my own, because I did not want to wait until she was ready to help me plan. She has criticized all of the decisions I have made, to the point where she has offended the event manager at the resort I chose. To add insult to injury, she has now told the whole family that I am telling her to stay out of it when I did not. I don't know how else I could have handled the situation. Because of all the drama of her playing the victim, I was seriously thinking about calling the whole thing off. I'm under so much pressure that I have been to a therapist to help me with coping skills, but she said my feelings are normal and I'm going to have to work them out myself. Other than the serenity prayer, I don't know what to do. How much control do I give, and is it disrespectful to ask her to keep her caustic comments to herself? |  |  | A few things trouble me about your question. First, where is your fiancé and why are you alone in dealing with his mother in the planning of the wedding? Second, if you have consistently asked this woman for help and have not received any, then 1) stop asking and 2) get used to the idea that she does not appear to be supportive. As far as the serenity prayer is concerned: It is useful and can help you to feel calmer and at peace with yourself. It can also help you to feel a certain distance from discomfort and pressure. In addition, I suggest you learn some assertive ways of talking with her that will prevent you from being put down while respectfully handling her hurtful comments. When you are insulted, you can state that you do not appreciate that kind of comment and will not hear it. Your fiancé's mother can be a part of the wedding, but she can't belittle it or you. | |  Dr. Dale Atkins is a professional psychologist and frequent media expert specializing in couple and family relationships. Dr. Dale is also an author with five books to her credit: Sisters; Families and Their Hearing Impaired Children; From the Heart (co-author); I'm OK, You're My Parents; and the most recently published, Wedding Sanity Savers (co-author). Currently living in Connecticut with her husband and dog, Dr. Dale has two grown sons and a private practice in New York City. | |
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