 Dr. Dale Atkins understands your wedding woes and has the perfect sanity-saving solutions for emotional issues, family questions, and fears about the engagement, wedding planning, and future.
 | My fiancé and I are trying to plan our wedding, but it isn't easy. Everyone -- and I mean everyone -- has a different idea about what we should be doing. These opposing opinions have us all fighting all the time. This is supposed to be a happy time. What should I do? |  |  | It is a happy time -- just one that has suddenly gotten confused and misdirected. It sounds like you and your fiancé need to step back and look at what's REALLY going on -- you're getting married, and that is a lovely, once-in-a-lifetime event. It's so easy to look at moments as being "before" or "after" marriage, and to rate them accordingly, but every moment is a part of the overall relationship you have with your fiancé. While this relationship will change and grow over the years, you should nonetheless realize that EVERY decision or disagreement (as well as its resolution) is an important part of your togetherness, and should be dealt with quickly, fairly and lovingly.
It is very important for you and your fiancé to find a way to communicate effectively, openly and kindly while dealing with stressful and/or highly emotionally charged situations. NOW is best time to learn the value of learning how to listen to one another's opinions. Because these ideas come from your fiancé or his family is reason enough to pay attention to them. You do not have to adopt them, but you do need to give them the attention they (and your soon to be family) deserve. You can do this while showing each other the respect and attention each of you deserve. Planning your wedding can be a good training period for practicing alternative, respectful ways to respond to one another.
In this frame of mind you will be more likely to talk effectively to your fiancé (as well as your family members). Let them know what is important to YOU, while letting them know what you'd like done to help you plan this happy day in your life.
| |  Dr. Dale Atkins is a professional psychologist and frequent media expert specializing in couple and family relationships. Dr. Dale is also an author with five books to her credit: Sisters; Families and Their Hearing Impaired Children; From the Heart (co-author); I'm OK, You're My Parents; and the most recently published, Wedding Sanity Savers (co-author). Currently living in Connecticut with her husband and dog, Dr. Dale has two grown sons and a private practice in New York City. | |
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