Sanity Savers: Wedding Jitters

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Ceremony Decor: Laurie Bailey Photography
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Sanity Savers: Wedding Jitters


Dr. Dale Atkins understands your wedding woes and has the perfect sanity-saving solutions for emotional issues, family questions, and fears about the engagement, wedding planning, and future.


Q My problem is quick and to the point: My fiancé and I simply don’t get along lately! With just 52 days left, should we cancel? Is it wedding stress? We can't even have a respectful conversation. I'm getting yelled at left and right by my mother, my bridesmaids, and worst of all, when I run to him for support, he yells also. We have to cut people from our guest list. I tried to get him to cut his side, since I had already eliminated 50 family members. But he refuses, saying it his wedding, too. Funny thing is, he hasn't paid for absolutely anything! My parents ran out of money, but he doesn't seem to understand, and feels they have to get it from somewhere. His parents haven't paid for anything either. Please help!
A Many couples have difficulty getting along during the planning stages of the wedding, and often have disagreements with one another, as well as with other family members. However, you need to address the way you are interacting. You said that you are getting yelled at by all of the people you are going to be involved with for a long time. Why are you allowing people to yell at you? Is this normal for your family?

Cutting people from the guest list is often a mutual job. You can talk about who you are cutting and discuss the reasons why certain people are ending up on the list and others not. It is not unreasonable for you to want the same consideration from your fiancé. The issue is not that it is his wedding or your wedding. The whole point is that it is YOUR wedding (collectively). Your situation regarding the money needs to be addressed directly. If he was not expected to pay for anything in the beginning, why do you think you can expect him to pay now? Of course, if you have overspent and he is not expecting to chip in, then you can make changes to your plans. You seem to resent him for not offering to help financially. Did you expect his parents to pay for part of the wedding, or were you hoping they would contribute? These are questions that have to do with expectations and issues that were not discussed. I suggest you sit down with your fiancé and discuss what your expectations were and are, and come to a mutually agreed upon way to proceed. If you cannot, then you may wish to wait.


Dr. Dale Atkins is a professional psychologist and frequent media expert specializing in couple and family relationships. Dr. Dale is also an author with five books to her credit: Sisters; Families and Their Hearing Impaired Children; From the Heart (co-author); I'm OK, You're My Parents; and the most recently published, Wedding Sanity Savers (co-author). Currently living in Connecticut with her husband and dog, Dr. Dale has two grown sons and a private practice in New York City.

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