On the cusp of a wedding, all couples are subject to some degree of pre-nuptial anxiety, and for people who have been married before, these jitters can bring back painful memories.
The excitement of beginning a new life with a beloved partner may be temporarily compromised by fears of intimacy or self-doubt. While it is normal to experience some of these feelings, don’t let them get in your way.
The circumstances that led to the end of your previous marriage don’t make you a failure. Each relationship is the responsibility of both partners; triumphs, joys and setbacks never rest on one set of shoulders alone. Let your experiences inform you. Instead of worrying that past mistakes will be repeated, concentrate on your ability to learn from them. A new union with a loving spouse can be a safe harbor in which to let old wounds heal.
Don’t be afraid to discuss your anxieties with friends, family, and most importantly, your spouse-to-be. Sometimes, simply articulating a fear makes it less palpable. Look to the support systems around you. Talk to friends with marriages you admire, and to friends who have undergone similar experiences -- both perspectives can help.
Lastly, if your pre-nuptial nerves start to overwhelm you, don’t hesitate to seek out an objective ear. Many churches, temples, and other community-based organizations offer pre-marital counseling programs or referrals to professional therapists and marriage and family counselors.
With work, children and the commitments that fill our day-to-day lives, to juggle wedding planning and still keep your sanity can be a tall order. Make time to take care of yourself!
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