The Gifts You Give

When Judith's son announced his engagement, she was nearly as excited as the bride-to-be. Tossing aside the old adage that the mother of the groom should 'shut up and wear beige,' she quickly offered to assist with the wedding planning minutiae. Judith ran errands, gave advice (only when asked, of course), and even hosted a tea introducing her future daughter-in-law to the groom's extended family. If the truth were told, Judith was quickly swept up in the excitement and had a grand time dickering with vendors and consulting with the bride's mom about the perfect mother's dresses for the big day. So she was doubly touched when the bride and groom presented her with dinner cruise tickets as a token of appreciation for her time and energy.
While there are, no doubt, couples out there who can plan a wedding with little or no outside assistance, many others rely on the gracious offers of friends and family to turn the overwhelming task into a manageable one. In addition, friends often fete the lucky bride and groom in honor of the happy event -- beyond the bridal shower and bachelor/ette parties. Perhaps your office mate organized a second wedding shower, or your college roommate threw you a surprise engagement party. Maybe your travel agent cousin spent half a day on the phone arranging the honeymoon of your dreams on the budget of your reality. While your loved ones often expect nothing more than the smile on your face in exchange for their efforts, thank you gifts can be a wonderful way to show your appreciation.
Special Consideration
It's not necessary, or even practical, to materially thank everyone who had a hand in smoothing out those wedding wrinkles. For the aunt who secured a discount from her favorite florist, a thank you and a compliment on her taste are likely all that is required. However, there are certain tasks which may warrant special recognition, such as:

• an engagement party
• a second wedding shower
• extensive organizational help
• donated professional expertise (florist, baker, photographer, party planner)
• financial assistance
• raising two such wonderful children!

Thank you gifts need not be overly extravagant, but they should be individually tailored to the recipient. While it's certainly acceptable to send matching gifts to both sets of parents in recognition of their assistance, your photographer uncle may feel a bit less special if he learns that bottle of merlot you sent is the same label and year as the ones distributed to the wedding coordinator, your parents, and your fiancé's twelve groomsmen. With that in mind, here are some ideas for showing your appreciation to the people who helped make your wedding day perfect.
The Gift Of Relaxation
Day spas are popping up everywhere lately, and many offer a variety of gift options, from a simple pedicure to a full day of pampering. This soothing choice might be particularly appreciated by a Mom who is coping with the emotions of seeing her child marry, even as she rushes off to the stationers or the seamstress. When selecting this type of gift, keep in mind the preferences of the receiver. While a full-body seaweed scrub followed by submersion in an herbal bath may be your idea of heaven on earth, your future mother-in-law could be just a tad squeamish about the prospect. Consider a gift certificate that allows the recipient to choose from a variety of services.
Just The Ticket
If pore exfoliation seems likely to strike the wrong chord with your planning pal, why not surprise him or her with tickets to the theater or a sporting event? What better way to say 'thanks' for hours spent twisting tissue paper into decorative rosettes, than ringside (okay, almost ringside) seats at the next championship slugfest? If an evening at the theater is closer to what you had in mind, the calendar section of your local newspaper may reveal a hot new play that your cousin the calligrapher would love to see. Perhaps a local museum or art gallery has scheduled an exciting new exhibit. Combine your imagination with everything that you know about your helpful friend and you are sure to discover the perfect reward for a job well done.
The Perfect Hostess
Suppose, instead of one or two helpers taking on large tasks, you were assisted by a bevy of friends who collectively absorbed many of your little wedding headaches. Consider hosting a post-honeymoon dinner party to thank those who chipped in with Internet research, trips to the post office, and phone calls to hotels and reception venues. Or, if dinner for even a dozen is slightly beyond your culinary skills, why not throw a casual party and ask each of your wedding helpers to contribute a few names to the guest list? You can easily kill two birds with one stone -- thanking your friends and breaking in that terrific set of margarita glasses you received as a wedding gift.
When in doubt about whether or not to gift a loved one for his/her generosity, trust your instincts. There are few hard and fast rules regarding this kind of gift, and ultimately the decision can be found in your heart, not in an etiquette manual. That said, a wedding is often an ideal time to stop and thank those special people who have provided the most help of all, not just in your wedding planning, but over the course of your life -- your parents! Whether that 'thank you' takes the form of a gift or a heartfelt letter expressing your appreciation for their care and guidance, you will be certain to touch the hearts of those who have so often touched yours.

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