Q&A: Who Should We Tell First About Our Engagement?
If you have no children, you should first share the happy news with your parents. Tell them in person if you can. Custom has evolved such that the bride’s parents are notified first, although that is not essential. This tradition logical developed from the custom of the groom asking the bride's parents for their blessing. Many couples still practice the tradition of the groom asking the bride's parents for her hand. If you choose to do this, and they consent, notify the groom's parents promptly thereafter. Once you have notified your immediate family you can feel free to notify others, probably starting with your siblings, grandparents, and closest friends.
If you have children from a previous relationship, announcing your engagement should be handled with a bit more care. Hopefully, you have already discussed the possibility that you might marry again with your children; ideally, they know and get along well with your betrothed, and your decision to wed will be received with some enthusiasm. Still, it is never easy for a child to deal with a parent's decision to remarry; be sensitive to the conflict your child may be feeling in the weeks, months, and even years to come. Your children should be told of the decision before anyone else, even your parents.
After you have notified family and friends, it would also be wise to notify your ex-spouse. Regardless of how your ex-spouse feels about you remarrying, he or she should put your children's welfare first. You and your ex should share the desire to not let your children become unduly upset or stressed about the upcoming events. If you plan to include your children in your wedding events, notify your ex-spouse of the important dates (rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and wedding) as soon as you know them so schedules can be coordinated. Your remarriage may have an impact on your legal or financial arrangement with regard to your ex or your children (you probably covered this matter when your divorce occurred), and the sooner those matters are resolved the better. You are not obligated to invite your ex-spouse to attend the wedding.