You're engaged. You've fairly shouted it from the rooftops. You've told your parents, your siblings, your grandparents, your aunts, uncles and cousins. You've told your old friends, your new friends, your friends at work, at the gym, and all across the country. You've even told your dry cleaner.

But you still haven't told your ex.

The news of an engagement can be a difficult subject to broach with an ex. Even the thought of it can feel somehow inappropriate. You may be concerned about the reception you'll get from that long-lost (former) love, or worried about extending an invitation into your new life that you won't be able to revoke. You might even feel that contact with an old flame constitutes a kind of betrayal on your part.
If these are your instincts, you should listen to them. You have no obligation to go rooting through your past, and it would be ridiculous to binge-inform everyone you've ever kissed that you are now headed down the aisle.
But there may be some old flames that you really do want to tell. High school sweethearts and first loves, former spouses and dates-turned-buddies may be people you feel an obligation or desire to share your exciting news with. But, before deciding whether or not to let skeletons out of the romantic closet, make sure you consider all the factors.

Calling It Like It Is:

If you're friends with your ex, news of your engagement will probably come up in conversation. If you're not friends, you probably don't find yourself talking with him or her very often. Let the existing relationship with your ex determine if and how you share the news.

First Loves or High School Sweethearts:

Assuming the romantic relationship has long been over, it can be a nice gesture to call on your past to talk about your future. Distance, time, and subsequent relationships usually extinguish old flames, often replacing them with fondly regarded mutual experience. "I was glad that Allison called to say she was getting married," remarks Sean. "We were each other's first real romance.  We talked once a year or so. It was always nice to hear from her and find out how life was going.She called to invite me, and I was very happy for her."

Former Spouses:

If there are children involved, you need to discuss your upcoming marriage with your former spouse. Because of the inevitable changes taking place at home, your children will need both their parents for extra support. If there are no children from your previous marriage, your decision should depend on how friendly the two of you have remained.

Just Friends:

Chances are, those ex-loves with whom you have remained genuinely close still move in one or more of your social circles. If you share mutual friends, count on your ex getting the information through the grapevine. If you feel strongly about them hearing the news from you, make a point to call them early on. Juicy tidbits, especially news of engagements, leap from friend to friend like wildfire.

The Crystal Ball:

So, your relationship with your ex is somewhere between fond and friendly, and you'd like them to know about your wedding. Have you considered what inferences and impacts your surprise call will have on them?
"I don't know why I needed to tell him," laments Casey. After telling her old boyfriend about her upcoming wedding, she was caught off guard when he started asking for 'save the date' information. "I wanted him to know, but I didn't plan on inviting him, and then it was just so awkward." Casey still worries that, by trying to touch base, she came off as just plain rude.
You may love the concept of keeping in touch with people from your past, but be mindful not to send confusing messages. Your ex might read "touching base" as an invitation to come back into your life full time, confusing your desire for an occasional phone call with an invitation for drinks every Thursday. Decide what you ultimately want from a renewed friendship, and remember, if you open a door on another person, it isn't entirely yours to shut.
How Does Your Fiance(e) Feel? Be absolutely certain that your fiance(e) is aware and in support of contact with your ex. Your future spouse will be your partner in life, and should have a say in which elements of your past will be part of your future together. Understandably, the thought of you resurrecting your Little Black Book may not be at the top of your fiance(e)'s list of Top Ten Ways to Celebrate The Engagement. Respect and protect his or her feelings on the subject.

Take A Hint:

There are instances, of course, when all contact with your ex, especially that which is initiated by you, should be avoided. If you have reason to believe your ex is still romantically interested, skip the call out of respect for your current beau. If your old relationship ended badly, or if your ex harbors resentment towards you or your fiance(e), it is unfair, unkind and ultimately unwise to hit him or her with your happy news. By the same token, if serious legwork is required to locate a lost love, let it go.

Note It:

What if you want to get the word out about your wedding, but just aren't up for revisiting the past in person? Why not leave the heraldry to a wedding announcement? Announcements, usually ordered with your wedding invitations, are a beautiful way to spread the word. They're usually mailed the day of the wedding, and are sent to people you were unable to invite. Typically, announcements include the day of the ceremony, but not the time or location. This might be one of the most gracious ways to let an ex know about your wedding, while freeing him or her from any obligation to send you and your new spouse a gift.

See More: Etiquette