Make sure you know the hotel or venue's policy on giving the head count well in advance. It’s perfectly acceptable to give your family members a gentle verbal reminder when they RSVP that you have to give the final numbers to the caterer early and that they can’t be changed so they understand the importance of an accurate RSVP. Peggy Post, our Etiquette Expert and internationally known spokesperson for the Emily Post Institute, says to be polite and matter-of-fact with the conversation. There’s no need to be accusatory, and it’s always nice to add that you hope the guests can attend. Patient and direct is the way to go.

If you would like to protect yourself further, you can put a polite and simple note on your invites or save-the-dates saying that you need accurate head counts well in advance, and the guests will be responsible for covering their costs if they cancel at the last minute.

If guests do indeed fail to show at the wedding, it's important to be graceful and understanding, even if you end up incuring extra costs.