Q&A: Is there ever a time when you don't need to send a wedding gift? - Wedding Etiquette - Wedding Planning - WeddingChannel.com
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Photo Credits: Larissa Cleveland, Next Exit Photography, Tara Connor Photography, Nicole Dixon Photographic, and Lindsay Flanagan Photography.

Is There Ever a Time When You Don't Need to Send a Wedding Gift?

A

In general, the answer is no. Even if you can't attend the wedding, if you've received an invitation, you should still send a gift, and usually, a note or phone call explaining why you can't make it.

However, there are a few exceptions to the rule. Engagement parties, for instance, do not traditionally call for gifts, but if the couple is very close to you, it's always fine to bring something small, for instance a bottle of wine or bouquet of flowers. When you receive a wedding announcement, but were not invited to the wedding, a gift is not required, nor does the couple expect one.

But if you receive a wedding invitation -- even if you are not that close with the couple or have no spoken to them recently -- a wedding present is generally considered a good idea. You don't have to spend a lot, a small gift card is fine if you are not attending the wedding. But in most cases, a small token is always a nice token of congratulations to the couple.

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I've been contacted on Facebook by old highschool friends who were only looking for me to send a gift. As soon as I accepted their request I recieved a message stating something along the line of, "I'm getting married, what's your address so I can send you an invitation. I'm registerd at (Fill in blank)" That was it, no hi how have you been? Would you like an invitation would have been the proper way to ask for a free gift, and most likely I would have sent one. I gave her my address, and tried to strike a conversation with her. When I recieved the invitation the wedding had taken place nearly 6 months prior, and she had placed a little note in it stating that cash would be best because she didn't want me to pay for huge shipping carges to send the gift overseas (where she lived). I'm hoping that at this point it is 100% ok I never sent anything, just a note on FB saying her and her hubby were a nice looking couple.

by LoisLane82 on Jul 19, 2010

What if you gave a gift to a couple for their first, albeit smaller, wedding at the courhouse where I wansn't even invited. Now their ceremony for the family and friends is approaching, and though I'm invited and my fiance is best man, I dont feel obligated to purchase another gift. Anyone's thoughts? @LoisLane82 - your "friend" on Facebook was pretty out of line and completely ridiculous. I wouldn't have even been kind enough to say something on Facebook about how they look as a couple. Of course its 100% okay to not send something, she's just hunting for a gift, she didn't give a rats-rear-end about you being at her ceremony and obviously hasn't bothered to talk to you in years as well. I feel sorry for her.

by allisonj412 on Jul 05, 2011

My daughter didn't receive gifts from a number of her friends who attended her wedding. They came from out of town, driving about 3 hrs, and they stayed in a hotel, so I understand they had expenses, but they're all working and graduated college three years ago so they have decent jobs. The matron of honor and a bridesmaid were two of them; I even paid for their hair and makeup to be done. I'm just appalled that they gave her absolutely nothing, and she's extremely hurt. How does someone go to a wedding, eat and drink for free, and not give a gift?

by lacy001 on Sep 13, 2011