It's All About The Bachelor -- Not You
Foremost in your mind should be one clear understanding -- the men assembled are present to celebrate the life of the soon-to-be married. It is not your night to shine. Don't push the groom to do something he isn't comfortable doing. And don't try to embarrass him -- at least not more than twice.
Don't Over Instigate
Though you might never play the role of danger catalyst, sometimes a man finds himself a changed human at a wild bachelor party. Your friend is already nervous enough about the night without you egging him on to act up. His future father-in-law stands in the back and observes it all with his soon to be brother-in-law (a 250-pound University of Michigan linebacker). They'll have a good time until the laughs come at their blood relative's expense. Be careful how far you push your friend. He'll let you know what he is comfortable doing. The night is about your friend and his closest friends, not the "entertainment." Above all else, do not arrange for surprise visits from the groom's old girlfriends. Fireworks are fun, but there are reasons they are illegal in most states.
Get Involved In The Planning
Speak with the best man and promote an event that will not put the groom in a compromising position. Help organize a full-fledged roast, a sports activity, or a gambling event where some of the proceeds end up in the groom's pocket. Above all, ensure that the night is a private celebration. If you are having a dinner, rent out a private room. If you'll be attending a sports event, use all of your connections to rent out a luxury sky box. A ski trip should be done in a location where the group can stay together.
Most men don't get excited by the strippers/booze/illegal activities night revered in countless B movies. Would anyone want the movie "Very Bad Things" to come true for them? Nowadays, most grooms are sensitive to their fiancées and abhor anything that would compromise their relationships. Remember, if anything "bad" happens, details will get back to the wife -- repeat -- details will get back to the wife.
If the bachelorette party is taking place on the same night in the same city, suggest that the two parties coincidentally meet up near the end of the night. If friends on both sides are in from out of town, or have yet to meet, this can serve as a much-needed icebreaker before the wedding.
Use Your Head
As with any planned event, bachelor party mishaps can occur, sometimes resulting in dire consequences. Ensure that the following variables can't dampen the group's enthusiasm. That's right, enthusiasm. Control the variables that can cause problems.
- Transportation -- Assign designated drivers or hire a transportation service. Taxis are easy to arrange. Limos never go out of style. Figuring that we would spend the night acting like kids, a group I was with once rented an old school bus. A good idea as long as the man of honor is sober enough to descend the thin stairway and leave the bus. Our groom never made it to the final school bus stop.
- Timing -- Be sure that the event is not the night before the wedding. A party during the week of the wedding can be overly taxing and should be avoided as well. One poorly planned (but exceedingly fun) party I attended required all revelers to spend a cold night on a small, deserted island armed with nothing but beer, beef jerky, and blankets. The groom came down with an instant case of laryngitis and whispered his vows the next day. A groom needs to be sharp on his wedding day.
- The Guest List -- There is nothing worse than a group of guys not getting along at a bachelor party. This can occur when party crashers arrive, friends of friends are brought, or when the gathering is held in an open, public space. Remember, the event is meant to be an intimate event to honor the groom. If he has 90 friends to invite, so be it, but make sure it is his 90 closest friends, and not their friends. And, with all due respect, do not invite the groom's fiancée. At one party I attended, to the surprise of the assembled group of 30 close friends, the groom brought along his wife-to-be. No doubt she appreciated the gesture, but the groom ended up leaving the evening hours ahead of time and became the butt of a story that is told over and over. Make sure it is a guys-only affair attended by only the groom's closest friends.
- Photos/Video -- Some nights are better lodged in the memory, never to be viewed again. If the night might involve something the bachelor (or anyone else for that matter) could get in trouble for, assign one person to be in charge of cameras. That way, in theory at least, it will be more difficult for copies of questionable antics to circulate. A smuggled video camera caught one friend of mine in a highly compromising position. Of course, the tape made the rounds, eventually landing in his wife's VCR. That video caused more pain than the usual Blockbuster late fee.
- Buzz -- While the goal of many bachelor parties is to make the honoree drink a lot of booze and slobber all over himself (or worse), try to keep your friend in relative check. No doubt, once the night is over, he will want to remember everything and have made a connection with as many people as possible. That's hard to do when a man is struggling to stay on his feet. The same goes for you as the guest. Who wants to be hung over for two days and end up on "Jerry Springer" anyway?
The bachelor party gives the groom a night to be with the men who have had the greatest impact on his life. Follow the suggestions above and you'll clear the way for a meaningful night spent celebrating your friend's decision to end his days as a bachelor. Surely, that is something he will appreciate and remember for years to come. That is, as long as he can remember his bachelor party.
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