Imagine getting a telephone call from an old college buddy telling you that he or she has finally found Mr. Right and the wedding is coming soon. They tell you it will be the event of the year, and there will be lots of great parties to attend. (Think: engagement party, bridal shower, bachelor/bachelorette party, etc.) Now your mind is busy calculating what all of these gifts will cost you, and the proper etiquette rules to follow. Should you bring a gift to each event? How much should you spend on them? Can you spend less on each gift since you have to buy four? Can you get away with buying a generic home brand? Can you team up with a group and pitch in for one big gift? You have
so many questions. Stop stressing! Here are all the answers:
Do you have to bring a gift?
Contrary to what most of us have been taught, presents are voluntary even if you’re invited to one event. You shouldn’t feel like you need to come bearing a gift as your ticket in; the invitation was your entrance pass. But if you’re truly happy for them you have the option of expressing your feelings with a gift.
If the bridal shower hostess asks you to bring a specific gift because it’s a special theme party, go along with the plan. You can always give them a wedding gift that is more to your taste.
Does the same apply if you’re invited to multiple events?
You do not have to bring a new gift to each party if you’re invited to more than one shower or party for the same person. Guests should be allowed to attend all of the parties -- engagement parties, luncheons and rehearsal dinner, evening bachelor/bachelorette parties, daytime bridal showers and the wedding reception -- without the financial stress and guilt inherent in buying multiple gifts. Don’t let the shopping habits of others make you feel uneasy about your decision. This isn’t being selfish, it’s being considerate and rational.
How much should you spend?
The rule of thumb is that you shouldn’t spend more than you can afford. If you do plan to buy more than one gift, decide upon the funds available and divide by the number of gifts you plan to buy. If money is an issue, try your hardest not to be impulsive when you’re out there shopping for just the right present.
Can you spend less on each gift since you have to give four different presents?
Yes, as long as the items are of good quality. You can take this idea in several unique directions, like picking a theme that would connect the four gifts or giving the first three smaller gifts as clues to the fourth, bigger gift.
Can you get away with buying a generic brand?
Traditionally, bridal shower gifts were useful and practical, not elaborate and high priced. Homemade gifts were appreciated and treasured. All of these will bring the costs down and keep the quality high. Here’s a few more tips and ideas to help you choose the right gift whether you opt for generic or designer:
- Theme-related and humorous is okay.
- Risque bedroom gifts are okay as long as the bride is okay with them.
- Money trees are more appropriate at wedding receptions, not at showers. The exception to this would be if the couple wouldn’t be moving into their home right away, such as a military couple who knows they’re being transferred. If you do a money tree, be sure the guest of honor doesn’t announce the individual gift amount.
Group Gifts and Long Distance Gifts
It would be appropriate for large groups to pitch in and buy one big gift. Also, married couples can give one gift from both of them. The gift dilemma for out-of-town guests is that invitations come with this invisible message that shouts, “SEND A GIFT!” If you’re from out of town, you shouldn’t feel pressure to send a gift; chances are the hostesses sent the invitation as a courteous gesture. Except in special circumstances, it’s best to keep shower invitations and shower gift expectations limited to local friends and family.
A Final Note
As the invitations to the wedding events begin to arrive, remember, it’s you the bride and groom are interested in, not the gifts you bear. Any token of your feelings will be appreciated.
See More: Guests , Parties , Engagements , Registry